Ivar Is A Weird Name

Acting auditions for HBO and “Major Motion Picture”

If they give me a choice… I’m gonna do the Carlton Dance and Tom Jones’ It’s not unusual.

Mind Discharge

Too many thoughts. Gotta focus. Acting + classes, writing, comedy, sketch, job search, inspiration, Occupy Wall Street, make a joke about government debt. I’m full of hate and admiration. I feel betrayed by my religion, my nation, and my species. And also, I’m completely enamored by it. So one thing at a time, because that’s all we can ever really do. We can juggle multiple tasks and feel all kinds of emotions, but it’s really one thing at a time in rapid succession.

Been watching tons of Inside the Actors studio. George Carlin, Dave Chapelle, Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, Jason Bateman, Don Cheadle, Will Smith, Eddy Murphy, Martin Laurence, Chris Rock. Learned a lot, so now to implement. I have to actually work at this. And I’m pissed and excited at the same time. I grew up as a smart kid, school just clicked for me. I understood right away that all you had to do was retain information and give it back to them. Well, give it back to them was the important part. I screwed around with the formula in the later years… got really creative with cheating -> TI 83s are awesome, teachers are apathetic or gullible, writing answers on gum and chewing it when i got caught was my favorite one. So it’s gonna be intersting actually having to work for something. I’ve been lazy. And childish. And stupid. The last two are fine, as long as I get rid of the thing that keeps me from accomplishing anything. So….


1 Year - Perform at a high end comedy club in NYC

1 Month - Find a job to support myself

1 Week - Write out my joke about how my room mates are dumb and the childish antics I make to piss them off

1 Day - Write something out once a day.

Today - Cook a pasta casserole - CHECK

Side Goal- get a girl’s phone number after introducing myself with the sentence: “What’s the smartest sentence you’ve heard that uses the phrase ‘Camel Toe’?”

New York Comedian Diaries

July 11, 2011:

So one of the things I regret most in the world is that I never kept a journal as a kid. One because I din’t think I wrote very well or concisely. Is that even the right word to use? Also, I didn’t think that people would really be interested to read something I wrote. Why write something that no one wants to read but you? Sounds arrogant and self centered when I spin it that way. Also, I was lazy. Journals need some sort of effort at the end of the night. My nights as a kid usually involved masturbating and video games.  My nights now consist of a p90x work out and jerking off till I fall asleep.
Solutions to those problems. One: Writing takes practice, and yes I do suck at writing, but it’ll get better or my comedy career is dead. Two: People do want to read what I have to say about things. Facebook has proved this to me when I’ve written my various notes on my life and my point of view in life. Three: My nights still consist of masturbating and work out. So I write in the morning at breakfast. 
We get to New York after a 6 hour bus ride. The bus went ridiculously fast for a fucking bus. I swear we averaged 90 miles per hour and I could feel the wind trying to rip me out of the window. We get there and the first thing I see when we stop is a peepshow. And the sign is literally at my face, in huge letters, screaming “PEEP WORLD 25Cent.” I laugh. This city is going to be fun.
I have a bad a attention span, my roommate hates me for it. we’ve been looking for a new place to live in new york. I went five minutes and then went straight to angry birds on google chrome. he saw me and said “you are helping so much right now.”

I was shitting like crazy today though. I think I went once or more every hour. I put the fear of God into these toilets, and my room mate. I feel bad for him when I take a dump, he has to be around listenning to it. I swear I hear him leave the room when I go into the bathroom now. LoL. Then his aunt brought home some Indian food. OMG that food was too good and so bad for me. As soon as I finished my second plate (yeah I have no self control), my stomach was like, “Really? That’s how it’s gonna be? Alright man….” Immediate shits afterwards.

We pretty much spent the day asleep and wandering the lil Korean town we were in. Got to the house around 9, fell asleep til 1. Realization, I still have little to no attraction to Korean women. I know it’s a thing for most other Filipino guys and girls i know, but I don’t see it. They are attractive, but I’m not attracted. My sister put it best when she said, “Asian women are cute, but they aren’t hot.” I swear she’s a boy, trapped in a lesbian body builder’s body. Haha she would hate me so much if she saw that. Good thing it’s in here only

Onto the subject of women, there are some pretty attractive women here, but i can’t help fixating on the ex-girlfriend recently. Can’t pinpoint the reasons as to why, but i think about her every day. It’s not even that I want her back, well of course I do that’s why I think about her, but these feelings are total bullshit and I hate them. It’s probably the prospect of sex that keeps drawing me to her. one of the reasons we broke up was because she was way more into me than I was to her, she was a virgin and I couldn’t take that from her and not reciprocate her feelings toward me. That’s just fucked up. I know we don’t belong together either because when we were together, I wanted to murder her about 70% of the time. When you spend a lot of time with someone, you start to see thier demons. And by no means am I perfect, I’m short, passive-aggressive, got crohn’s, dimwitted most of the time, slow, insecure, angry, narcisstic, etc etc. But insecure, arrogant, and racist and not admitting to be racist are not characteristics I want in the wife. 

But I also know it’s because she’s the blueprint now. She’s the woman I’m gonna base my relationships on, as I am to her (She tells me that I am the best kisser). I also know that all it takes is finding feels for another. Broaden my view of vision because I only see one thing at the moment. So you can miss her Ivar, it’s okay to miss her, but nothing’s gonna happen with her. Plus you have to work on yourself too, you are a jobless and careerless peice of shit right now. Women cost money buddy and you have none of it. Go do some comedy.

“If you can make her laugh, you can get into her pants.” -Ivar (I truly belive this. Doubt I’m the first one to say this, but I’m quoting it, god damn it.)

Road Rage

Most people don’t sweat the small stuff. But as for me, I do sweat the small stuff. Why? Because I don’t sweat the large stuff and as humans, we need stress in life to keep our bodies functioning properly. So me… I sweat the small stuff.

In general, my biggest pet peeve deals with driving. And it’s not really the cars I have a problem with per se, it’s the people involved in driving that bother me the most. Numero Uno (That’s “First and foremost” in Spanish) on the list is paying attention, pure and simple. Knowing what is on the road and where you want to be can be really helpful in avoiding accidents. Second is the term “common courtesy” which frankly, should be referred to “regular rudeness” because mutual respect between drivers is anything but common now-a-days. Some people are so convinced that their driving trip is the most important that they forget about the other people on the road, who under an ironic twist of fate, are probably in the same exact state of mind. My last driving stressor doesn’t even deal with the cars or their drivers. My final qualm with driving is the pedestrians on the road or “living road blocks”, as I like to call them.

Is this all justified? Yes, of course it is. What is a good psychologist without proof and conviction? Some random guy with a mohawk and an opinion, I guess. First and foremost (That’s “Numero Uno” is Swahili), driving stress can be reduced when people pay attention to what is on the road. Knowing that there is another car next to you usually stops a driver from changing lanes, causing an accident, and building up traffic for other people. Attentiveness on the road prevents the stress of this domino and house of cards combination phenomenon. Moving onto regular rudeness, I believe in karma, a type of universal homeostasis. Respect begets respect and disrespect begets disrespect. For example, if you plan to drive 20 mph on the HOV lane, you probably won’t meet too many friendly drivers, except of course the OTHER person in the lane next to you driving at the same speed because there is always TWO. Finally I address this lame idea that pedestrians have the right of way. Not “A” right of way “THE” right of way. That’s completely illogical! It’s only natural that the smaller being yield to the larger being. It’s physics. Think of it this way: Would you expect a charging rhino to yield the right of way to you? Not “A” right of way, “THE” right of way. I hope not, and if so, I’d like proof, video, no pictures. The way I see it, pedestrians can let two things hit them sooner or later, either reality or rhinos. Every time I get into a car, these thoughts swarm my mind. Sometimes it causes stress and sometimes it does not. Is the stress justified? Yes. Is the stress necessary? No. But hey, what’s life without a little pressure? Well… boring and no one wants that.